And SLAP! And two. And three. And four.

This is so wonderful I hardly know where to begin: Richard Simmons (yes, that Richard Simmons) overhears a guy make a comment while waiting in line for a flight at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. The comment, if accurately reported, is so mouth-breathingly dopey that it barely even registers as a quip: "Hey, everybody, it's Richard Simmons. Let's drop our bags and rock to the '50s." Simmons, however, goes nuts when he hears it, tells observers he's going to "bitch slap" the guy, and proceeds to do so. The guy -- a 6'1", 255-lb. Harley salesman and cage fighter named Chris Farney -- is apparently so "stunned," in the words of a police spokesman, that he walks away, then thinks better of it and contacts authorities. Farney tells the cops he wants to press charges. Simmons is later allowed to board a flight to Los Angeles.