This Message From The National Council to Promote Literacy Among 15-Year-Old White Boys

"Hey y'all, I'm Britney Spears. I'm just an average kid like you, and I'm here to tell you that if you're lookin' for something fun to do on those average nights, like when your limo driver has to drive around the block while your ex-Mossad security guys brutally clear a path into a Grammy after-party, or like say when you've had a couple too many Crantinis and you went and did something really stupid and you have to sit in the county clerk's office while they annul it, then you know what you should do? Read one of these. It's a book! I swear to God! And this one's one of my favorimites! It's called... oh shoot, I don't know what it's called but it's right down here. No, down here. Down here. Hel-LO, eyes down here please, Mr. Perv. Hello? Shoot, don't read it then. See if I care. I'm richer'n all of y'all and I don't need anybody. Hell, I got 'Oops I Did It Again' money. So y'all can just read one of whatever-all these are or don't. I don't care. For reals, y'all. I don't."