Blather

Screw the verdict, where's my check?

Slobodan Milosevic and other war-crimes suspects will be paid for the time they spend cooling their heels in The Hague, under legislation just adopted by the Serbian parliament ("Paying Ruthless Genocidal War Criminals' FedEx Bills Since 2004"). According to Reuters, "The new law provides all Serbian war crimes indictees at the U.N. tribunal with compensation for lost salaries, plus help to spouses, siblings, parents and children for flight and hotel costs, telephone and mail bills, visa fees and legal charges." The mental picture this spawns, of the extended Milosevic family giddily ordering up Spectravision and gobbling seven-dollar Toblerones in a suite at the Amsterdam Hilton, is almost enough to restore your faith in international justice.

Okay, Let's Move Right On to Gest v. Minnelli

The good news for sane jurisprudence, common sense and the idea of generally proportionate responses to things that upset you: Knoxville banker Terri Carlin is withdrawing her lawsuit against Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, MTV, CBS, Viacom and "I swear, everydamnbody who ever disagreed with me." The bad news: Carlin seems confident the FCC will pick up the slack.

It's one 'em, whattayacallem... Conspiramacies!

Man, I tell you what, every time I think I ought to let this Janet Jackson thing go, I read something like this: The Tennessee woman who's suing Jackson claims in actual court papers actually filed in an actual court that she and millions of others "were caused to suffer outrage, anger, embarrassment and--" (wait for it... yes!) "--serious injury." The Smoking Gun's got the filing.

That'll Be $400

"If anybody doesn't think based upon what's happened so far that the true motivation of these charges and these allegations is anything but money and the seeking of money, then they're living in their own Neverland," Michael Jackson's lawyer told reporters Tuesday, adding: "It isn't not unclear that the real reason for these charges is the lack of the presence of facts that, if shown, wouldn't not tend to un-exculpate my client."

It's Up to You, Supreme Court of the State of New York, New York Or: You Gotta Represent

Liza Minnelli claims in court papers obtained by The Smoking Gun that estranged husband/waxwork David Gest "represented to Plaintiff that he was a major 'player' in the entertainment business" at the fateful mid-2001 meeting that led to their 26-minute marriage. Just to prove that there's a cosmic logic to the universe, or that all cosmic circles eventually close, or at least that the cosmos has the spiteful wit of a Friars Club roast, the pair met at -- wait for it -- the taping of a Michael Jackson TV special.

Oh Yeah. Here We Go. I'm Back in Action Now.

"Michael would never harm a child in any way," reads a statement from a spokesman for pop oddity Michael Jackson. Man oh man, is it just me or do even the guy's denials sound vaguely creepy? Still, maybe you have to give the statement some credence. I mean, who treats very young kids with more care and responsibility than Michael Jackson?

So Much in Love

There's nothing sadder than seeing two starry-eyed, deep-in-love kids, all goofed up on the romantic thrill of being young and besotted with each other, hit the rocks. But that seems to be what's happened with a couple of crazy dreamers named Liza and David, and it's ended up where all love stories eventually end up: In the Supreme Court of the State of New York, County of New York. (God bless The Smoking Gun for this.)

Legal News

Guys who popularize pop-unders sue X10, win $4.3 million. Millions wonder who, if anybody, to sympathize with.

Mmmm, That's Good Irony

Sure, it's a world full of drivers who cut you off in traffic, selfish jackasses who jump the line at Starbucks, and worse. But every once in a while the universe aligns itself in a way that is both morally just and really, really funny. (Via boingboing and Crypto-Gram.)

Price-Gouging in Prison

It's easy to feel sorry for the city fathers of Sayre, OK, which recently lost its biggest cash cow, a privately-run prison, in an arcane dustup over long-distance phone rates charged to inmates. (In a demographic twist that probably makes perfect sense in the world of for-profit penology, the facility housed 989 prisoners from Wisconsin.) Then you read down to the part of this New York Times story that contains the financial details: AT&T and the town split, roughly 60-40, the revenues from the prisoner calls, which ran to $3.95 for a connection and 89 cents per minute, or about $22 for a 20-minute call.

"I Have a Gub"

You know what never gets old? News items about ill-prepared, flustered, dim-witted would-be criminals. (Via Obscure Store.)

That's Jurisprudence, Baby

Wham-O is suing the studio and production company behind "Dickie Roberts" because of a scene in which the David Spade character attempts a waterless slide, causing a painfully chafed dermis (...and hilarity!!!). AP notes that Wham-O is also the manufacturer of the Frisbee, the Hula Hoop and the Superball, a virtual Death Squad of dangerous "toys" which have been responsible for over fourteen million child fatalities since 1966. (Via boingboing.)