Blather

You Can Have Friday Night on Cinemax When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands

The skin police at the FCC now want to extend their wrath from the broadcast networks to cable and satellite operators. The pretext, of course, is Justin 'n' Janet's shameful display of a quarter-inch of nudity a half a mile away in the Super Bowl halftime show, which this AP story notes also "featured provocative dancing and lyrics laced with sexual innuendo." Mercy! House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, not to be shoved out of the way when there's a camera around and a disapproving populace to demagogue, wants somebody to do something about all those awful commercials, too, which he described as "lewd and crude," apparently deciding that "rude and nude" would just have been gilding.

Breasts! My God, They're Everywhere! BREASTS!!!

NBC, over the objections of executive producer John Wells, has cut a two-second glimpse of an elderly woman's breast from this week's "ER." A statement issued by the network read:

Though we continue to believe the shot is appropriate and in context, and would have aired after 10:30 p.m. Eastern and Pacific time, we have unfortunately concluded that the atmosphere created by this week's events has made it too difficult for many of our affiliates to air this shot.

A statement issued by the aching, weary soul of mankind wondered whether there were there any lengths to which American television networks would fail to go in their craven campaign to avoid agitating the delicate sensibilities of even the teensiest numbers of potentially product-buying humans, or any windy, self-important, lawyer-vetted language they would fail to use in their sad attempts to make their cowardice seem statesmanlike. The aching, weary soul of mankind then yawned and flipped over to HGTV.

Oh Dear. Oh My.

Greg Daniels is a talented guy -- I've often thought about the irony that the animated "King of the Hill" has some of the most recognizably human characters in prime time -- but jeez, does American TV really have to USAify everything that works a little bit somewhere else in the world? Yes, bad offices and bad bosses are universal. But American pop culture has already produced a definitive statement on the soul-deadening that can take place in a cubicle. And now so have the Brits, who have had the smarts not to push the joke too far, limiting production thus far to 12 episodes over two seasons. Can an American version, which will start life with an initial order equal to The Office's entire history and immediately start to feel pressure to do whatever it takes to get an order for more, meet that same standard of angry brilliance? History isn't on its side.

TV News

J. David Davis was named president and GM of WABC-TV New York yesterday. The move comes after what MediaWeek describes as "the abrupt departure Tuesday of Thomas Kane." Reached for comment, Kane told reporters: "I had a doctor's appointment Tuesday. I've been what?"

Let's Be Responsible, People

Did a screaming, hissy-fit-throwing Deborah Norville cost a 72-year-old security guard his job? It's unclear -- there are two sides to every story, and the Dallas Observer doesn't run Norville's take on the incident. If it isn't true, then the Observer has passed on a false rumor and maligned a beloved American TV news celebrity, and shame on them. Norville is best known for hosting "Inside Edition," and for a 1996 incident in which she beat a hobo to death with a tire iron. (Via Romenesko.)

Just Shove Those Delicious Wheat Thins Out of The Way and Sit by Rachel, Joey

MediaWeek reports that a petition filed with the FCC by Ralph Nader's Commercial Alert group may threaten product placement on TV. The petition asks the FCC to require that the networks "prominently disclose" placements in their shows. "It would diminish the very reason why we do product placement deals -- to integrate products into a show without calling attention to them as commercials," one media buyer said in a ringing, courageous defense of the practice, and speaking on condition of anonymity.

"Timberlake Pips Pop Divas to Best R&B Gong at MOBOs"

I swear to God, I go away for a week and the world stops speaking English.